The Third

Hallo Hallo-

So I've decided to do whatever today, and we'll see what happens.  First thing is first...my allergies.  Over the last few years I noticed that I had become allergic to dogs, so while at my doctor's (which in reality is still my pediatrician because I don't have a big boy doctor...go ahead.  Laugh it up suckers.) I mentioned this and she decided to see what else I was allergic to.  Here is a complete blood test of the things I'm allergic to:

1. Dog Dander

2. Cockroach

3. Alder

4. Mountain Cedar

5. Oliver Tree

6. Walnut Tree

7. Cottonwood

8. Oak

9. Elm

10. White Mulberry

11. Bermuda Grass

12. Timothy Grass

13. Johnson Grass

14. Common Ragweed

15. Mugwort

16. Russin Thistle

17. Rough Pigweed

18. Peanuts

19. Wheat

20. Walnut

21. Soybeans

22. Corn

23. Scallop

24. Seasame Seeds

This isn't a joke.  I'm not exaggerating.  I am really allergic to all of these things, and JUST found out.  They must have gotten my blood mixed up with some nerds blood, because I am NOT one of those kids that runs around being allergic to everything.  My highest allergy is grass (Timothy Grass- 19.60 which is considered a Very High Level allergy).  I just don't know what to do when I go to a real doctor and they ask me my allergies, "Well Doc take a seat...have you got 20 minutes and a notebook?"  I might as well tack joy, happiness, manhood, and fun onto my allergy list as things I'm allergic to now.  BULLSHIT!

Well, I liked the news bit yesterday and I found a few more stories last night.  Here's what caught my attention:

Story#1- Mafia Man too fat for prison

This story comes from Rome and finally I feel vindicated as an American.  We can make fat jokes about Rome as well as the South now. Apparently this guy (weighing in at 462) has been moved to four different prisons, can't find a bed big enough, can't fit through the bathroom doors, and has to be dressed.  They moved him to house arrest especially because they said that if there were an emergency they wouldn't be able to get his fat ass to a hospital. 

Story #2- Stray bullet stopped by cell phone in mans chest pocket.

What?! This is crazy.  Supposed a Razor stopped a stray .45 caliber bullet from entering a mans chest, and I'm pissed about it.  First of all, where the hell did a stray .45 bullet come from?! Did that shit just magically appear, and just so happen to be aimed right at his chest? NO.  This guy is an idiot because his neighbor shot him, and he thinks it came from his lawnmower...no joke. Now to what pissed me off.  I had to go through 4 different Razors because they sucked and broke without warning..all the time.  How the fuck did a Razor stop a .45 caliber bullet?! This is some serious bullshit.  I didn't want to stop bullet...I just wanted to make a damn phone call. I hate you Motorola.

Alright Kiddies..thats all for now.